It’s the finale…the last installment of popular questions. I hope they’ve been helpful. And if you have any questions for me, feel free to ask. I’d love to hear from you! So here we go:

1. I’m getting married next year. Should my fiancé and I keep separate accounts or have one joint account?
It’s fine to have a joint account for bill paying, etc, but be sure you have one for yourself too. Every woman needs an account in her own name.

2. How can I stop being such a compulsive shopper?
As my mentor, Karen McCall, a pioneer in financial recovery, always said: “You can never get enough of what you don’t really need.” The problem isn’t the shopping, but the “hole in your soul” you’re trying to fill. I highly recommend attending DA (Debtors Anonymous) meetings, a 12 step program for over-spenders, chronic debtors, and underearners.

3. What is one of the most common money mistakes women make and how can I avoid it?
Without a doubt; it’s doing nothing because you’re afraid of making a mistake. My advice is to spend 3-6 months educating yourself. How?

1. Every day read something about money, even if it’s just the headlines in the business section of the newspaper, even if it’s only for 1or 2 minutes.
2. Every week, talk about money, particularly with someone who knows more than you. (taking a class counts too).
3. Every month, save by having a small amount from your paycheck or checking account automatically deposited in a savings and/or retirement account.

I also encourage women to find a financial advisor they can trust, who will hold them accountable and keep them on track.

4. I’m always worrying about money. How can I calm my fears?

1. Educate yourself. Knowledge is the best anecdote for fear. The goal is to make financial decisions from knowledge, not ignorance, emotion or habit. Doing the 3 steps I outlined above is an amazingly simple but effective way to conquer money fears.
2. Join with others. We women are so relationship oriented, one of the best ways to learn is to get support by forming (or joining) a money book club, money study group, or investment club.
3. Track your spending. Write down every penny you spend for at least a month, then transfer those amounts to spending categories. This exercise allows you to see how/where you can shave expenses, figure out a debt repayment plan, and increase savings.
4. Create an emergency savings fund with at least 6 months worth of living expenses (a shoe sale is NOT an emergency!)

5. As a young career woman, what’s the single smartest thing I can do with my money now?
Automatic savings. Arrange to have the bank, every month, withdraw money from your checking account or paycheck and deposit it monthly into a personal savings account. Even small amounts ($10 or $20 a month) consistently saved accumulate quickly. It’s money you’d otherwise fritter away. And you don’t miss what you don’t see!! Do the same with your company’s retirement account.

6. My current salary is under 50K. How can I make more money?
If you love what you do, ask for a raise. If you get a ‘no’, ask your boss what you need to do for a pay increase. If you feel dead-ended, or dislike your current job, start looking for a better, higher paying one. Figure out what you’re passionate about and network like crazy. From my interviews with six- and seven-figure women, I discovered that four factors are essential for financial success and quality of life (both are important):

1. Passion—loving what you do
2. Audacity—doing what you fear
3. Resilience—getting back up when you fall down
4. Community—reaching out for support

I’m back with more questions that I’m commonly asked, and the pithy answers I provided. Let me know if you disagree (or agree) with any of my responses.
1. How does a person, like myself, who is inexperienced with negotiating, learn how to do it successfully?
I’ll tell you how I’ve learned to be a better negotiator: by 1) taking classes, 2) reading books, 3) talking to people who are good at it; 4) learning from my mistakes. If I have to choose the one that’s been the most powerful, it’s #4.
2. I have a lot of external constraints—3 children and an active family life—that prevent me from achieving my full professional potential. What can I do?
Your external conditions are not actual constraints. They’re excuses…pure and simple. I talk to too many women, with those same constraints, who are succeeding magnificently. And then there are others who don’t have kids or a family, yet have all kinds of other “constraints” as reasons for not acting. More often than not, we use those “constraints” as justifications, so we don’t have to do what we’re scared to do.
3. How can I most effectively teach my children about personal finance?
Whenever anyone asks me ‘how can I get my kids to be smart about money?’ my answer is always the same. Start by getting smart yourself. When it comes to children, you teach best what you model most. Also, I suggest talking openly and consistently (without preaching) to them about money. Include your kids in conversations about the family budget, paying bills, investing, saving for college, the danger of credit cards, etc. Managing money was, and still is, a very common topic of conversation around our dinner table.
4. I am a 50-year-old chronic underearner in a dead-end job with no advancement path. Is there any hope for me?
I was in my 50’s when I finally overcame underearning. And I’ve interviewed women who didn’t start making good money until their 60’s or 70’s. Overcoming underearning has nothing to do with age, lack of education or credentials…or anything else we think we need to make the big bucks. The only requirement necessary is the willingness to do what you fear, including thinking bigger, valuing yourself, and going outside your comfort zone (which may mean finding a new job)
5. Discussing money can be seen as crass, rude, or inappropriate. Until this changes, how can I find support, like you suggest?
I’ll tell you how I found support. I went to networking events, joined professional groups, attended financial conferences…anywhere I could find people who were like I wanted to become. I’d talk to them openly about money. It wasn’t crass. I didn’t ask how much they made, but I’d pick their brain and find out how they got smart. You’d be surprised how people will respond when you’re authentic and sincere about learning more.

So, do you agree or disagree? I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Questions. I get a lot of them. I thought I’d share some of the most often asked ones, in this and future blogs. Who knows, maybe you’ve been wondering the same thing. Or, maybe you have a better response than mine. Let me know…

1. How is underearning self-imposed?
If you look at the 10 traits of an underearner—for example, they talk as if they’re trapped; they give away their power; they are self-saboteurs, codependent, vague about money and often anti-wealth—you can see every single trait is a result of a choice we made.

2. What is one thing I can start doing NOW to live up to my full potential and earn what I deserve?
Do what you’re most scared to do. The number one requirement for going to the next level in your life is the willingness to be uncomfortable, to do what you think you can’t do. Don’t worry if you’re not sure what that may be. You’ll know exactly what it is the moment you hear yourself saying “I can’t do that,” or “Oh no, that’s impossible.” Fear always points the way to growth.

3. I’m great at saving, but I shy away from investing. I know a lot of other women do too. Why do we do this?
Because investing seems so complicated and overwhelming! “And we women are so damn busy, who has time to learn?” That’s how I felt—until I realized that it’s a matter of taking small steps, doing a little something every day, like reading the business section of the newspaper, perusing financial sites, watching PBS nightly business report, taking classes, talking to others about money. Watch what happens after 3-6 months. Then find a financial advisor you can trust (I wrote a booklet that tells you how, available on my website).

4. Women entrepreneurs are notorious for not charging what they are worth. How can I overcome this tendency?
By valuing yourself, believing in what you do, then speaking up and asking for more because you know you’re worth it. That’s what I had to do to make six figures. I had to raise my fees, bargain harder, even though I was scared to death to do it. Not everyone agreed to pay my higher fee at first, but enough did that my income went up significantly, without having to work any harder!

5. You say that focus and intention are critical to overcoming underearning. Why?
One of the most “popular” ways intelligent, talented, ambitious women keep underearning is by being scattered, unfocused, pulled in too many directions. They may be genuinely motivated to make money, but they don’t realize that stretching themselves too thin dilutes their energy and is an act of self sabotage.

Does any of this ring true for you? I’d love to hear your thoughts!

Denial is so tempting, especially around money. But oh so dangerous. That’s why I urge you to take the Five Signs Test, featured in this Yahoo article: Five Signs That You’re Living Beyond Your Means. http://finance.yahoo.com/banking-budgeting/article/105396/Five-Signs-That-You’re-Living-Beyond-Your-Means

“If you find that one or more of them apply to you,” the article warns, “it is likely time to reevaluate your spending and work on a long-term financial plan. Recognizing the problem is the first step to finding a solution.”

Here are the 5 Signs:

Sign No. 1 - Your Credit Score is Below 600

To find your credit score is, contact (TransUnion, Equifax, Experian) for a copy of your credit report.

Sign No. 2 - You are Saving Less Than 5%

Best to sock away as much as possible, but most financial experts suggest a minimum of 10% of your gross income.

Sign No. 3 - Your Credit Card Balances are Rising

If you’re paying only the monthly minimum, consider that a big red flag. “A person with $5,000 in credit card debt that makes the minimum payment of just $200 per month will end up spending more than $8,000 and take almost 13 years to pay off that debt.”

Sign No. 4 - More Than 28% of Your Income Goes To Your House

Why 28 % ? Because, experts say,“ this is the rate at which the average person can get by, make their mortgage payments and still enjoy a reasonable standard of living.”

Sign No. 5 - Your Bills are Spiraling Out of Control

The solution? Start slicing and dicing your expenses. Figure out what you spend each month and decide where you can cut. “Some of the best places to find savings include; your telephone bills (cell and land line), your utility bills (turn off the lights, and don’t run the air conditioning if nobody is home) and your entertainment expenses (you could stand to dine out less and to pack a lunch for work).”

You owe it to yourself to answer these questions honestly… any thoughts?

I have a question for you. It’s an important one. What would you do if you weren’t afraid?

Whenever my children ask me what they should do, I always respond the same way. “Do what scares you the most.” They rarely like that reply, but they always know I’m right.

Why?

Because when you stretch beyond your comfort zone, miracles occur. They really do. Dreams come true. Your confidence soars. All sorts of amazing things happen when you tackle what terrifies you. It’s the one act that separates high earners from underearners, a life of joy from one of quiet desperation. But don’t just take my word for it.

Here’s a beautiful email from a woman who attended my workshop last December:

“Your BIGGEST gift to me was your admonition to stretch - to commit myself to being uncomfortable for the sake of financial growth and, to a certain extent, self-respect. In my case, that willingness to be uncomfortable took the form of keeping up marketing relationships even when there was a clear possibility – even likelihood – of disappointment, and asking for more money for what I do. I set a goal of $100,000 in billings for this year and am happy to tell you I had exceeded that goal by the end of May. What is more, being uncomfortable is no longer very uncomfortable! (Italics are mine!) Disappointments and even outright refusals/rejections now feel like part of the landscape instead of the monumental cliffs I had imagined them to be before.”

I get emails like this all the time. I’m sure that’s what gives me the courage to stretch as often as I do. And that’s why I’m sharing the email with you…to inspire you and challenge you to go where you fear.

Two things I have come to see for sure:

1) The closer you get to what you fear, you’ll find it’s never as scary as you expected.

2) There’s a direct correlation between the level of fear you feel and the amount of pleasure, power, and freedom awaiting you on the other side.

So, I ask you again: What would you do if you weren’t afraid? Care to share???

If you’ll excuse me, but I’m frustrated and I need to vent! Yet another study has come out that tells us, according to an article in US World & News Report: “financial institutions are failing to connect with female customers, a group that will soon control 60% of the wealth in the US.” Duh! http://articles.moneycentral.msn.com/SavingandDebt/ConsumerActionGuide/HowBanksShouldTalkToWomen.aspx

Allianz Life Insurance revealed what every study for the past decade has discovered: most women want to learn about retirement planning and investing. But “(Women) are telling us that materials out there are difficult to understand and that they find them boring. Some even compared them to reading a foreign language,” says Sherri DuMond, vice president of marketing solutions for Allianz.

This is news? Maybe to the industry. Certainly not to women.

The problem is that financial firms simply respond with more of the same materials, but couched in what one advisor in the article called “female-friendly metaphors.” For example: “Updating your 401(k) every six months…is like putting your winter clothes away in the summer, she says, and making stable investment choices is like purchasing your first black or blue suit.”

If the financial industry asked for my advice (and no one has), here’s what I’d tell them.

It’s time to get down to the nitty gritty! Don’t just focus on the facts of investing. Get personal. Dig deep. Talk about her fears. Explore her resistance . Delve into the real issues, like family messages and cultural conditioning. I always say doing the outer work without paying attention to the inner work only perpetuates the status quo.

Am I all alone here? Or am I being foolish to think that if financial advisors were trained appropriately, they could learn to actually talk about emotions? Let me hear from you!

Do You Think Like a Wealth Builder, or Are You More a Sex and the City Kind of Girl?

I was reading a blog the other day, when one line really caught my eye:

“I can SEE the difference between the mindset that simply wants to make money and the mindset that is more focused on creating and building wealth.” (http://witoo.wordpress.com/2008/06/14/making-money-versus-building-wealth/)

I love the way the blogger described her epiphany! Indeed, there is a HUGE difference between making money and creating wealth. And it really is a matter of mindset. This was my biggest surprise when I interviewed six-figure women. These women earned more than most people on the planet, yet very few of them were wealthy. Without question, their mindset is what made the difference. And it makes sense: how we think determines the choices we make and the results we create (i.e. wealth or no wealth)

Let me demonstrate:

The Make-Money-Mindset thinks like this: “I want to make money because the more money I make, the more clothes I can buy, the more trips I can take, the more wining and dining I can do, and the more fun I can have.”

The Create-Wealth-Mindset thinks like this: “I want to make money because the more money I make, the more I can save and invest for the long term. “

Do you know what separates between those mindsets? Two words. Instant gratification. It’s the difference between snapping up those Prada shoes–which you have to have because they go perfectly with that Juicy Couture dress you just bought –and depositing that money straight into a mutual fund.

The previous example was inspired by the recent movie, Sex and The City, which is clearly the story of 4 women who don’t understand the meaning of delayed gratification.

Mind you, I’m not suggesting self deprivation. Saving money doesn’t mean sacrificing fun. You can always pocket a portion of your earnings, say 20 bucks, and take in a movie. In fact, go watch Sex and The City, and gloat about how much smarter you are!! (No, Carrie is NOT smarter for marrying a rich man. Read my book, Prince Charming Isn’t Coming…you’ll understand why!!!)

Those of you familiar with my work know this about me: I’m a big fan of using financial advisors.

The reason: we women are so busy, many of us of don’t have the time, interest, or knowledge to manage our own money (and do it well). Of all the women I’ve interviewed, the ones with the highest networths didn’t necessarily earn (or inherit) the highest income. But the whopping majority did work with financial professionals.

The challenge: how do you find a trustworthy financial advisor?

The strategy: Ask for referrals from people who are happy with their advisors. Or go online to find names of advisors near you. Try these sites:

www.napfa.org — National association of Personal Financial Advisors

www.garrettplanningnetwork.com — the Garrett Planning Network of financial advisors who work for an hourly fee.

www.cfp.net — the website of Certified Financial Planners

The solution: Resist the urge to sign up with the first advisor you meet. Interview at least 3. Ask questions such as these, then go with your gut instinct:

1. Would you tell me about yourself?

2. Do you specialize in certain types of investments?

3. Who are your clients?

4. How do you charge for your services, and what costs might I incur working with you?

5. How often do you communicate with clients, and how often might I expect to hear from you?

6. Have you ever been involved in any lawsuits, arbitration, or disciplinary problems?

7. Is there anything you want me to know about you that I haven’t asked?

Need more help? I’ve written a booklet filled with great advice: Finding A Financial Advisor You Can Trust. You can order it on my website.

I’d love to hear your tips about finding an advisor.

I’ve never been particularly interested in politics, but this primary has been riveting. For the first time, a woman was a serious contender for President. You may like Hillary, or you may hate her. But you can’t refute this is has been an historic event that I suspect will change the landscape for women in a myriad of ways.

I was very moved by a recent newsletter from The White House Project (http://thewhitehouseproject.org/). The WHP is a nonpartisan 501(c)3 organization, whose purpose is to support and propel a diverse array of women into political leadership.

I thought it a gorgeous tribute to Hillary, a woman who has made history. I’d love to know what you think.

“When Senator Hillary Clinton declared her candidacy for President of the United States, she embarked upon a journey that forever changed American politics. As the first woman to win a presidential primary - and through the 19 victories that followed – Senator Clinton irrefutably proved to our nation and the world the viability of a woman candidate to lead our country as Commander in Chief. Though she will not gain her party’s nomination for the 2008 presidential election, Senator Clinton has permanently altered the political landscape, and we at The White House Project celebrate her pioneering candidacy as a testament to what will surely follow – a political pipeline swelling with women across the country who are ready and determined to lead. Senator Clinton’s candidacy has taught all of us much about the challenges facing women who lead…the subtle and overt manifestations of sexism in the election. Yet [we also saw the many] positives that this election has unfurled: a greater attention to the diversity and power of women voters; the historic, widespread support of both women and men for a female presidential candidate; and the steadily rising number of women across the country who are running for office. Increasing the numbers of women in politics is a critical step in making our nation the truly representational democracy it endeavors to be. As we say here, when you add women, you change everything – and Senator Clinton has undeniably transformed the place and power of women in politics forever. For that, and for much more, we applaud her historic run for her party’s nomination. “

I’m a big believer in working with financial advisors. But I’ve noticed that most women have a lot of questions about working with professionals, and don’t always know how to find the answers.

Here are some of the most frequently asked questions I get*:

Q. What if I inherited financial professionals from my family and don’t want to continue working with them?

A. If you don’t like their personality, values or investment style, find someone else. Remember, it’s your money now and you need to do what is right for you. You may find it more difficult to dismiss advisors who are old family friends but, if you tell them honestly that you want to choose your own advisor, most likely they will wish you well.

Q. Do I have to sign a contract with my financial advisor? I’m afraid of getting myself into something I can’t easily get out of.

A. You will have to sign a contract with any investment advisor or brokerage firm to do business with them. The inviolable rule, of course, is never to sign any document you do not thor­oughly understand. Always take your time and if any point is unclear, ask questions. For extra protection, you should review the contract with a knowledgeable friend or attorney before signing it.

Q. Every time my advisor calls suggesting that I buy something, I think to myself does she really believe this is a good investment or is she just after a commission?

A. If you feel unsure about the motives of an advisor working on commission, you need to ask yourself: Do I generally suspect people are trying to take advantage of me, or is there something about this particular advisor that makes me uneasy? If you tend to worry that people are more interested in your money than in your welfare, use this as an opportunity to examine when those feelings are justified and when they aren’t. If you think the problem is with the advisor, discuss your concerns with that person, and then review the reasons for your concerns and the advisor’s responses with a trusted friend or professional. And, of course, you can switch to a fee-only financial planner or a wrap account that’s inclusive of all fees.

Q. What if my advisor pressures me to buy something?

A. If someone tells you, “Buy this now—the price will never be this low again,” or, “This stock will hit 100 in six months,” your antennae should go up. Never buckle under pressure. Think seriously about changing advisors. As one money manager put it, “There’s always another stock and there’s always another day.”

Q. The value of my portfolio is going down instead of up, and I think my broker is at fault. Is there any chance I can recover my losses?

A. Yes. If your broker or other investment advisors have recommended unsuitable investments and failed to explain their risks, churned your account, or bought securities without your permission, you can file a claim against them. Your advisor is generally required to settle the dispute by arbitration. I suggest you discuss your case with a lawyer or other professionals who represent clients in disputes with brokers.

Q. What if I want to change advisors?

A. Before you walk away, give your current advisor a chance to respond to your complaints. Sometimes just hearing the other person’s explanation can clear the air and preserve a working relationship. If, after you’ve talked you still want to take your business elsewhere, find a new advisor who will arrange to transfer your investments for you. Then tell your advisor you want to close your account. Switching brokers should be a simple process, especially if all your holdings are commonly traded stocks, bonds, and mutual funds that are easily moved from one brokerage firm to another. Simply fill out a form listing all the investments you held at the old brokerage firm and give it to the new broker who will take care of everything else. If you’re changing money managers, the process can be slightly more complicated. Often money managers will give you a pro-rated refund and retain a fee covering 30 days.

For more information, check out my booklet: Finding A Financial Advisor that You can Trust