I’m really excited about a groundbreaking project—The Allstate Foundations Domestic Violence Program. They’ve hired me as their spokesperson.
For the first time, a large corporation is addressing an issue on a national level that no one’s talking about—Financial Abuse.
We tend to think of domestic violence as physical, emotional, and verbal. Yet financial abuse is just as insidious and dangerous….perhaps even more so because we don’t recognize it.
For years, I was the victim of financial abuse. And I had no idea. The signs were there. I just didn’t see them.
For example: My husband controlled the amount of money I had access to. He refused to discuss our finances with me, and withheld important information and documents. He got us into illegal deals, “forgot” to pay taxes that were in my name, racked up a huge debt, then left the country, so I was left holding the bag! I was so embarrassed and ashamed of my ignorance, I told no one what was going on.
According to a recent poll by The Allstate Foundation, the number one reason victims stay with their abusers is financial instability. So The Allstate Foundation is doing something about this horrific problem. Aside from raising public awareness and thought leadership, they’ve created 2 amazing programs:
- A financial education curriculum designed especially for advocates and survivors of domestic abuse.
- An Education and Job Training Fund that provides women with immediate grants for finding work or improving their skills.
You can find out more on www.econempowerment.org. If you are in immediate danger, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-SAFE (7233) .
Please spread the word. According to a 2006 Allstate Foundation national poll, over 74% of us know someone who is the victim of domestic violence. Now you can help.
November 17, 2007 at 5:41 pm
This was my story, too! Except that I started handling the bills, insisted on paying off the outstanding debts (using his credit report for information), and planning for retirement. A year after the debts were paid off, I opened what I though was our bank statement which showed he had started up his “secret spending” again. We went to counseling 14 months before I got fed up and divorced him-and all this time, I was entirely financially dependent after a long term, chronic and disabling illness. Several years later, I am still struggling to support myself although it has taken this long to return to good physical health.
November 19, 2007 at 9:01 pm
I appreciate your comment, Susan, and I’m really pleased to hear you’re back in good health. Now it’s time to get back into good financial health as well. I would encourage you to check out Allstate’s financial empowerment ciriculum. It’s really awesome.
August 24, 2009 at 4:59 pm
I am also struggling with a husband who insists on running up credit cards, spending his paycheck before bills are paid, and writing checks and not telling me about them which creates bounced bill checks. I am at my wits end, and see a miserable financial future for us unless he changes, or I leave. I need hope!!
August 28, 2009 at 7:36 pm
After battling, to the point of needing to be on disability, a major depression, directly related to my abusive husband, I am finally coming out of the fog and seeing my life as it lead into deep depression and despair. I find myself now strong enough to see that in addition to other types of abuse, from the moment we married 5 years ago, he has exerted total control financially. I am not privy to any of “our” financial information, as “our” money immediately became HIS money after our marriage. In addition, he is addicted to gambling, leaving me in constant uncertainty about what our financial stability really is. I receive “an allowance”…he took my credit card away in the past year, in order to have full control over our resources (I am not a shop-a-holic!) while continuing to gamble whenever he chooses. I am still here because I have lost the self confidence that I can make it on my own with my 13 year old daughter (no child support from her bioDad) yet I KNOW I have to get out of this situation. I came upon this site “by accident” and now wonder if God has led me here…may Allstate receive a hundred fold in blessings of all kinds by offering much needed help to financially abused women.
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October 31, 2011 at 4:44 am
[…] Financial Abuse is a Form of Domestic Violence, Barbara Stanny Blog, 27 Sept. 2007. […]
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August 1, 2012 at 9:42 am
this is the same story for me, we have been married almost 40 years and I am now at my breaking point. I lost my job 2 years ago. I was layed off for 2 years, in whick I got unemployement, the same company called me back to work and I worked for him 3 months and he closed the shop, I did not work long enough to draw unemployment agian. I got into trouble with credit cards, and finally had to tell him about it. Bad mistake, he then paid them off but cut my allowance down to hardly anything. He gave me a credit card to buy groceries, he watches everything I put on it, and controls how much I haved to spend. I haved no other outlet for finance. If I want something I have to beg and beg. I have alot of health issues, which most is due to stress.
It scares me to death thinking about leaving.
August 17, 2012 at 10:57 am
Hi Marlene,
I don’t know if you are religious, but I am going to pray for you. There is nothing that is too great for God to do. I have recently asked a social service ageny for help with a problem that is similar to yours.
I am fifty four years old and I feel very stupid that I let myself get into my current situation. I have been with a man for 19.5 years. I have been married to him since December of 2009. This man only held a job for about two years during the first 17.5 years that we were together.
I am a healthcare professional who has not worked since resigning from my job in September of 2009. I resigned from my job because I was suffering from depression. I could no longer tolerate going to work after enduring the so-called “foreplay spankings” and emotional abuse that I received from him if I protested about him not working.
I am now unable to find employment of any kind even though I am nearing the completion of a masters degree. After I left my job and all of the money that I had saved was gone, this man managed to secure employment that only puts food on the table, gas in the car, pay the utilities. Too much money is being spent on gas because he insists on being driven to work, even though he does not have a car and public transportation is available.
The house that we live in has been sold, and in less than one month, I won’t have anywhere to live. My husband tells me to save the money that he gives me every week so that we can get an apartment. The money that he gives me to manage is minimal and it barely pays for the utilities, gas, and food expenses.
I did not realize that I was a victim of emotional and financial abuse until I started researching this topic about six months ago. I recently started building a support system for myself by going to church regularly in addition to attending classes at school. I plan to start doing some volunteer work until I can secure employment.
I am doing my best to build a life that will not include him. I am afraid, but everyday, I am building spiritual strength within myself so that I can endure whatever hurdles that I will eventually have to face without him.
August 20, 2012 at 2:27 pm
Thank you for the prayers. If it had not been for my faith in God, I would not be here today. I am learning to take it one day at a time. I too suffer with depression, somedays it is all I can do is to get out of bed. I just keep praying that god will show me which way to go and to lead me in that direction. I used to go to church every Sunday, until I talked with the pastor and he told me that I should be happy that I have someone to give me what I get. I figure I can be a better person without that comment. Of course it is my husband’a family church so they are perfect. I have no one there that I can talk to.
I have a twin sister and she has been the one that I can talk to and hang on to when things get bad, don’t know what I would do without her.
I really appreciate your prayars.