“What you share you strengthen.”

~A Course In Miracles

In the spirit of the above quote, ask yourself this question: Could I be undermining my success by what I’m sharing with others?

Years ago, a  coach gave me a powerful assignment.  For 2 weeks, I was to simply observe my conversations, without changing a thing. Just notice what I talked about, the words I used, my typical reactions…you know, the stuff I was sharing with others.

What I saw was not pretty.

I had a habit of putting myself down…without even realizing it. I’d constantly dismiss my skills (“Oh, that’s no big thing”), deflect praise (“I thought I was awful”), and diminish my successes (“But I could’ve done so much better”).

What felt, to me, like humility, was in truth, a form of self sabotage. Every word of self depreciation put another dent in my self esteem.   I was strengthening my sself-doubt…while destroying my self-confidence.  No wonder I was struggling.

Are you doing something similar? Minimizing your achievements or underestimating your  value?

I invite you to find out. Spend a few weeks simply watching what you talk about.  Then write a comment below on what you observed.

In  my next blog, I’ll share with you the things I did that made a huge difference.

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I think it’s time we have The Talk. Don’t you? You know, the one about the Legacy you wish to leave. It’s a subject that deserves serious thought.

Leaving a Legacy is how you achieve Greatness. It goes right to the core of why you’re here and the mark you wish to make on the world you leave behind.

Some of you know exactly what it is. Mine, of course, is that there are a lot more financially empowered women running this country as a result of my work. And a lot fewer abused women who can’t afford to leave their abuser.

But many of you may be scratching your heads, wondering, ‘huh, what’s mine?’

Your legacy doesn’t need to light up the sky. It could be the tiniest footprint in the sand. All that matters: your legacy reflects your purpose fulfilled.

Need help? Try this exercise.

Imagine that it’s far in the future. You are lying on your deathbed. You’ve lead a long and meaningful life, but it’s now drawing to a close. As you lie there, you begin to review your past. What gave you the most satisfaction, outside of your family, to know this is what you’ll be remembered for? It need not be limited to one thing, either.

Once you pinpoint what it is, come back to this moment. Then ask yourself: What can I do right now that will contribute to the legacy I wish to leave?

Please share below by leaving a comment…I can’t wait to hear your insights.

Listen up, ladies. We need to talk.  We’re still on the ‘D’ word. But now we’re getting to the nitty gritty.  This form of Discipline is what separates the women from the girls. This is where the rubber meets the road.  This is, in short, the BIG SECRET to SACRED SUCCESS™.

And I got it straight from the mouths of women who make millions.  If you wanna play  a bigger game, you gotta  toughen up! That means disconnecting from your Inner Pleaser and growing thicker skin.

By  nature, we women want everyone to be happy with us. Successful women are no different. Almost all I interviewed confessed to a “little girl inside me who wants to be liked.”

However, success requires us to make difficult, even painful, decisions that often have negative consequences for other people.

“You have to do the hard stuff,” said one mega high earner. That ‘hard stuff’ included firing employees, ending partnerships, holding tight during demanding negotiations, enforcing an unpopular policy, firing high paying clients, even enduring multiple rejections and disappointments.

In fact, virtually all the women I interviewed told me that their biggest regret was not making tough decisions sooner.

‘Toughening up’ didn’t mean these women had to harden their hearts, numb their senses, or go all macho.  It did mean a dramatic shift in their mindset.

The shift sounds like this:   ‘I’d rather be respected than liked.’

As one woman told me: “I tried to be nice rather than stand by my convictions. But I learned,  you can’t always be liked, but you can definitely be respected.”

The recognition that earning respect is more important than gaining approval was what one woman described as a “watershed moment.” It definitely was life-changing for me…and liberating.

This one shift in thinking– ‘I’d rather be respected than liked’ –means developing a “rhinoceroses hide” while keeping an open heart. This is precisely how we’ll become strong, effective leaders without compromising our feminine nature. This is what will allow us to be powerful without being punitive, forthright without being unfeeling, responsible without being ruthless.

Where do you need to toughen up?  If you’re like me, I bet it’s not just at work, but on the home front too.  Leave a comment below about what “toughening up” looks like in your life.

Oh, the irony of it all.

I haven’t blogged in awhile.   And I’ve got a good reason—I’ve been really busy. I mean, I was preparing for my first Sacred Success Retreat.  I had house guests visiting. I flew to California for my grandson’s 6th birthday.  Yada, yada, yada…..

But you wanna know the real truth? I went oblivious to what I’d been blogging about—DISCIPLINE. I wasn’t making myself do what I needed to do, when I needed to do it….because I bought into my excuses. I actually believed them!!

Excuses are to discipline what cheating is to diets…a sure fire way to undermine your success by letting yourself off the hook.

And we all do it. We make a commitment. Stuff comes up. We get side tracked. It comes with the territory. Discipline isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being persistent.

As of today, I’m making it official. I’m getting back on the Discipline Train. And I’m inviting any of you who’ve fallen off (you know who you are!) to join me.

What that means to me is that I’m back to writing regular blogs. I’d love to hear what it means for you.

Finding your purpose is one thing. Pursuing it is another.  And that’s where the “D” word comes in. You know, Discipline.

Oy…I can almost feel you recoil at the very mention. “Not the ‘D’ word…anything but that!”

Hear me out.  Discipline has gotten a bum rap.  Discipline is not a means of punishment. It’s actually the source of pleasure, the essence of power and  the path to Greatness.

Think of it this way. Discipline comes from the latin word ‘disciple,’ and means ‘being a disciple unto oneself.’  Discipline asks you to become your own biggest fan, viewing yourself in the very best light, being kind to yourselves when things don’t go well, doing what needs to be done, as best as you can.

Discipline is Step #3 of Sacred Success™. And it’s especially important to women.

In  my interviews with high earners, I noticed that success tends to be a very emotional process.  Unlike men, we haven’t  been groomed for greatness.

Practically every woman I interviewed made the same observation. In the world of work,  men assume they’re competent,  feel entitled, and tend to risk big.   Women assume they’re inadequate, feel apprehensive and tend to hold back.

So many aspiring women, especially in the beginning, described  feeling:

  • guilt (Do I really have a right to this?)
  • doubt (Can I handle it? Am I on the right path?)
  • fear (Am I doing it right? Will I fail?)

For many, these questions are like quicksand, keeping us stuck, sucking  us under.

What I wanted to know was what enabled the most successful ones to keep going higher? The answer became obvious—the “D” word .

I’m going to talk more about discipline in blogs to come. I’ll tell you about 4 techniques that are anything but traditional. But now I’d love to hear from you. What’s your reaction to the “D” word?

“I am not afraid. I was born to do this.”

–Joan of Arc

I wonder… had  Joan of Arc lived today, would she be raking in millions, rather than racing into battles?  She sounds like every mega-high-earner I interviewed (albeit more pithy and eloquent).

They all  possessed an almost divine sense of mission, a fire in their belly, a transpersonal commitment to something larger than themselves.

A powerful purpose seemed to be the prelude to making millions…and the basis for Step #2 of Sacred Success™: Pursue Your Highest Purpose based on Your Deepest Truths.

Much as Joan of Arc discovered centuries ago, a strong sense of purpose creates an almost unwavering perseverance, in a way that money alone never would.

Whenever these high earners were scared, stymied, or faced seemingly insurmountable obstacles, they immediately went back to their higher purpose.

As a multi-million dollar earner said to me, “When in doubt, I revisit my mission. Why am I here?”

But there’s also another reason why step 2 is so important. Having a higher purpose fosters a life of balance.  There’s a significant difference between drive and addiction. Drive comes from a vision that nourishes one’s soul and enriches one’s life. Addiction arises from fear-based beliefs such as scarcity, inadequacy, and shame, and it inevitably leads to burn out .

Most high earners eventually figured this out. As one young woman told me, “I had a massive inner critic and I pushed myself until I broke down.” Then she said, “I did lots of self improvement work and figured out how to achieve my dream without killing myself.”

In those words, she gives us the key to finding your highest purpose. It takes personal work, a great deal of self reflection.  I’ll talk more about this in my next blog.

I’m coming out of the closet…and perhaps going out on a limb.  I’m going to tell you something I’ve never really shared out loud, in public, so explicitly.

For those who know me, what I’m about to say will come as no surprise.  And if you’ve read my latest blogs, it’ll probably seem obvious. But I feel compelled to confess my deepest conviction…

I firmly believe that financial success is a spiritual journey; that financial abundance is a divine right and a divine duty; and that financial accountability is a sacred responsibility.

I share this for a reason. I believe looking at money from this perspective makes the often overwhelming task of making more and managing it wisely seem easier and definitely more meaningful. It sure did for me.

I’ve come to believe, from my own experience, that money (respecting and appreciating it) is a vital tool for doing what we were put on this earth to do.

I’ve always believed that we are here to do God’s work. But we cannot possibly follow our God-given destiny, if we’re drowning in debt or struggling to make ends meet.

However, disciplined spending, ample earnings, habitual savings, and prudent investing are sacred tools for not only living our best life but improving the lives of others.

Money  is power. Everyone knows that. But I take it one step further.  Money, I believe, is God made visible.

Do you think I’m way off here????